Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
vagina is talking i cant
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
