3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
