so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
