Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
