Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm at about main and main street
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
