i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
