I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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