Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
