He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This house was built for laser tag.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
