A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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