I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
