turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
