am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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