My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
