Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
