she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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