I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
