Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
