I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
