bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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