I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
