i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
