the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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