i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
