She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
