My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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