i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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