He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
