Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
