Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
