There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
