Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
