I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Green mimosas i think yes
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
