oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
