If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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