The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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