It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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