She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
