Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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