If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
