First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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