I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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