Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
