Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
