i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
