we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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