forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
