Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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