mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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