are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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