pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
