So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
