Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
