Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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