I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
