The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
