i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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