hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
