Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize