Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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