yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
