Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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