I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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