Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
