His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My dick has a subreddit
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
