well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
