their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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