I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
