just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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