If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
