You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
