Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
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we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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