my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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