apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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