Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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