She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
