tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
