***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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