the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
