YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
