no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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