I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Still dying that you shit outside
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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