So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
